Your Butt Is Like, Wrinkly

(Above: My Little Pony, then and now. Why you gotta be like that, Pony?)

Draped casually across the squishy blue arm chair next to me, Nug lifted her thigh up and gave it a squeeze. We all revel in these lazy mornings, courtesy of a 9am school start time, that allow us to inspect body parts or just let things play out in their own time. I gave my coffee cup a squeeze in return. Ahhhh. Then, startling me to full wakefulness, I hear Nug declare to her thigh, "this is too much fat."

Huh?!

I pressed her on it, of course, because not only is she just six years old, but she is lucky enough to be incredibly muscle-dense, a fact that people have noted her entire life. As it turned out, she thought that anything squeezable on her body must be fat. So a quick lesson ensued, and all was well. My strong, body-positive girl was returned to me intact.

And then it happened again.

The second time wasn't so easily explained away. Because instead of innocently mis-labeling body components, she zeroed in on that fuzzy, grey, politically unstable area of my body image. You know, the one whose t-shirts ride up on fleshy love handles every time I sit down, but whose muscles flex proudly after twenty push-ups. And even though I bike with ninety pounds of kid on the back rack, I still sigh in resignation when I check my butt out in the mirror. The kids soak it all in.

I was standing in front of our only full-length mirror. A new pair of workout pants had arrived in the mail, and I was in that glorious full-of-hope moment as I pulled them on. The mirror happens to be in the playroom, so I stood, checking myself from front to back, in full display of the kids. The pants were a win: I liked the look of them and walked away with a smile. But as I turned toward Nug, she breezily offered, "I don't think those pants are good." Her face looked sour as she continued. "They make your butt look kinda... (here she paused to really find the most accurate and descriptive word) squishy and wrinkly."

Uh... when did she A) learn to so easily dole out negative body talk, and B) aptly describe cellulite??!!!

Looking my daughter in the face and telling her she was just like me, and in the next breath destroying my body in front of her, was a catastrophic mixed message. -Brittany Gibbons in Fat Girl Walking

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly, this interlude came at just the right time. My road of exercise-and-healthy-eating had developed a few potholes, and it was time for repair. I've blogged about getting healthy before, but with two fully conscious daughters, it is now bigger than me.

Kids are living in a world where companies will try, at every opportunity, to steal their self-esteem and sell it back to them at a profit. -Dances with Fat blog 

My daughters are watching (and watching and watching) and maybe, just maybe, it's possible to raise them in a way that they won't struggle with body image and self-esteem. I need to start with myself, of course, but this time I am creating goals for the whole family, with Nug's participation. (And... I'll blog about them, duh!)

I explained my idea to Nug and she was immediately on board (well, she is six and thus always set to "immediate"). I made a list of challenges and asked her to pick and order them, which she did, while adding new ones! Her enthusiasm tumbled over into an impromptu exercise session in the front yard that had us running around the block before we left for school.

Here is what we came up with...

Our four month plan to becoming a strong, healthy family!

* Nug's original ideas

Month One: May

Focus: Physical

• Get moving! Nug and I will aim for 10,000 steps per day 
• Continue our nightly family walk
• We signed up for a morning of family yoga
• Also, to keep the kids motivated and involved, Nug will help me plan the weekly menus and help with grocery shopping. I will try harder to incorporate both kids in the food prep. 

Month Two: June

Focus: Nutritional

• I will re-commit to serving a whole foods, reduced sugar diet. Nug is defining the latter as "only eating honey."
• We will eat out less often, only one time per week*

Month Three: July

Focus: Mental

• We can only speak about our bodies and our abilities in positive ways (Nug interpreted this as "encourage yourself"). I could use more of this right now, but Nug wanted to list our 10,000 steps plan first because she's getting her own pedometer out of the deal. Either way, I'm working on this now.
• We will make sure to get fresh air by exercising outside twice a week (she chose Tuesday and Saturday)*

Month Four: August

Focus: Spiritual

• We will get involved in our community through volunteering and our Girl Scout troop (Oh, by the way, I volunteered to be a troop leader. It has felt like another part time job, but Nug is thrilled about it. I hope it settles down soon so I can keep up with my blogging).
• We will spend time daily doing quiet, introspective activities such as gardening, meditating, yoga, or quiet time 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I dragged the kids to the mall on a quest to find clothes that fit me right, right now. I had just finished reading a hilarious memoir of a plus-size mom and had landed on this:

Listen, I love stretchy pants as much as the next person. And I make it a point to never judge people based on what they are wearing, as long as it's not a Klan robe or a suit made of human skin. But for me, showing up in leggings so thin you can see your cervix does not spell confidence, it spells resignation. I was in leggings because my jeans were more comfortable in a ball on the floor than they were buttoned on my body. I could buy bigger ones, sure, but if I did that, I'd be admitting to everyone that I gained even more weight... Fashion seems like a very superficial component of self-esteem, but for me it was the foundation. I was taking time to wear clothes I felt beautiful and empowered in. -Brittany Gibbons in Fat Girl Walking

The mall wasn't totally a great idea (is it ever? Besides, it reminds me of being nauseous and swollen and fumbling my way through the Motherhood Maternity store). It took four hours just to get to two stores, I had to carry Cookie on my back most of the way, and I came home with a tank top. I had promised the girls, however, that we could look at clothes for them too. Nug asked for a new skirt, and Cookie, being the three-year-old younger sister, decided she wanted a skirt too. We walked into The Gap, but they passed the skirts up for a pair of exercise pants each. Now my little change agents are asking me non-stop to go exercise so that they can wear them. May is off to a running start!

This is us, right before a half-mile run around the park in the middle of the day. 

Note: I am also crossing my fingers that I'm not inadvertently leading them down a path of obsession. But hey, their default exercise is a burpee and Nug knows that sugar is bad- that's good, right? Besides, I'm a mother and reserve the right to have my heart in the right place even if nothing else is. It'll all be figured out later with their therapist anyway. Lol.