Birthday Interviews 2019

What was your temperament as a child?

• Were you fun-loving, full of ideas, random, enthusiastic, and never wanted to miss the action? Did you often hear people say "you're too silly" or "grow up?!" Were you described as a ray of sunshine?
• Or were you the sensitive type, steady and connected, planning and worrying? Were you always asked to "talk louder" or "hurry up?" Were you described as an easy baby?
• Maybe you were a determined child? Passionate, deliberate, loud, and being told to calm down? Were you described as busy or rambunctious?
• Or were you a more serious child? Efficient, reflective, logical, and mature? Did you tire of people telling you to smile more, or stop being critical? Were you described as older than your age?

The snow-loving temperment

Understanding these four "energy profiles" or temperaments, as described in The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle, is as close as I've gotten to a guidebook for each child. I hadn't read a parenting book in quite awhile-- the last time I can remember was also the first time-- but I picked this one up during a lull in my library list, and I've been obsessing ever since. And even though the idea of being "profiled" into a type makes my fiercely independent hair stand up, I kept reading, realizing that a central trait of my (newly discovered) Type 4: Serious personality is the need to be one's own authority... Touche! Humbly, I went back for more.

Perhaps my obsession has something to do with the kids turning five and eight this week, with their correspondingly grown-up demands and desires. Nug celebrated with her first sleepover, staying up until midnight with five girlfriends and waking in the morning feeling vaulted into tween-dom. Cookie is all about the details and after weeks of planning, hosted a perfect princess tea party. The double birthday week is intense! And, unlike when they were little and didn't know enough to ask for special birthday hair, or a restaurant dinner, or color themes, or late bedtimes, and weren't jealous of each other (a new one this year), the week of friend parties and family parties has left little time for me to cry over their baby photos. The "birth" part of birthday and the central role I played grows more obsolete each year.

Sleepover and a movie on the projector (so cool!)

Happy 5th Birthday, Cookie!

This year Nug was the one to remind me of her annual Birthday Interview. I'm so glad she remembers and enjoys it! In between runs for birthday donuts, I found some time to record their answers, adding in some new questions as well. It also seems like a good place to share what I've learned from reading The Child Whisperer. Knowing that there are specific ways to parent each temperament has already made a difference in our day-to-day. The efficient, literal Type 4 child in me is reveling in the structure!

NUG: Type 3, Determined. 

The primary connection to the world for this temperament is physical. The primary need is to be challenged and have new experiences with the support of their parents. This explains why Nug is so interested in the world, but will move forward only when I am beside her. Other important things I want to remember:

• Physical activity 
• Yes, Nug desires daily wrestling, exercise, or just plopping on top of one of us.

Mommy, I need contact!

• Challenges
• Saying no is an invitation to say "Oh yeah? Watch me!" I need to channel this energy into productive challenges.
• Project
• Frequent declarations of "I'm bored, there's nothing to do," can be directed into projects with minimal detail, that she can jump into quickly and return to later. 
• Results
• Praise her get-it-done nature, even if she missed steps (this is so helpful when I think about her homework!)
• Time to do things with you
• Learn a sport together. Let her help with dinner. Go to a craft store and do a project together. 
• Attention
• This energy type needs an active, reactive experience with others and will do aggravating things just to cause a reaction if they are not getting enough attention (oh the times I've volunteered in her classroom and she has body-slammed me as I help another child!).
• Phrases to avoid: You're too loud. You shouldn't think so big. Just calm down, you're too much. Stop being so pushy. I don't think you should try that. When are you going to relax? Settle down (Nug read this whole paragraph over my shoulder, and agreed excitedly that I shouldn't say these things).
• The author goes on to describe physical characteristics of each energy type, which feels like hocus-pocus, but she stopped me in my tracks when I read that Type 3s are born with a scowl on their face! 



One-day-old & determined

Nug's Birthday Interview

How old are you: 8
What makes you happy? Sometimes Rosie (the dog), sometimes my friends, and then you guys (motions to family)
What do you want to be when you grow up? Someone that works with animals
What is your favorite toy? Baby dolls and my keyboard
What is the thing you are best at? Gymnastics, and possibly soccer
What is your favorite sport? Gymnastics
What do you like to wear? Oh that's a tough one... oh, sweatpants and plain t-shirts, not too crazy.
What is your favorite food? Sushi. Pizza. Does dessert count? I'll wait until you ask me about desserts.
What is your favorite thing to do outside? Swinging and playing with M (neighbor). We need to put the swings up again! I think the grass is ready.
What is your favorite thing to do inside? Play with Cookie.
What is something you want to learn? How to play keyboard better. Oh! How to ski!
What makes you nervous? When you say I should try a gymnastics meet. (editor's note: I really don't think I said this! I think she is projecting because she is interested in challenging herself, and knows that I did meets as a child)
What is your favorite treat? See, I told you there would be a dessert question! Donuts, and I don't like cake-- too much frosting.
Who is your best friend? S---y & F----a & B-----n
What song do you love? Edge of Glory. And Mary Poppins
Who's your favorite person? Well, I love my whole family but Cookie because she's my sister.
If you could have a wish, what would it be? To be a really good gymnast and to have a really big fancy house
What would you buy if you had $1000? I just don't know what $1000 is, I just know a lot of things cost money
What do you like to do best with your friends? Play "runaway horsie"
What do you hope to do before your next birthday? I'm nervous but taking keyboard/piano lessons. Practice more of my gymnastics and not get nervous at tumbling. And this is not going to happen, but get to level 3 in gymnastics. 

COOKIE: Type 2, Sensitive. 

Snuggly, slow, and soft-spoken

The primary connection to the world for this temperment is emotional. The primary need is to have feelings honored and everyone in the family to feel loved and connected. This explains why Cookie falls apart whenever I raise my voice. Also important to remember:

• Comfort
• All the perfectly nice clothing she has rejected! Now realizing how important comfort is to her, I am at peace with those piles of donations... and all the times we were late to school over what I call "sock trouble."
• Reassurance & validation for their feelings
• To take an extra minute or word, and tell them they are still okay with you. (yes! this helps so much, especially when it feels like I don't have an extra minute to give)
• Answers to their questions
• Recognize her questions as her mental plan to move forward through life (she really doesn't ask a lot of questions, and prefers to be quiet in the car etc, but perhaps she'll get to this stage in the future)
• Time to be quiet and connect
• Cookie is still going strong as a constant snuggler. The book says this energy type will still want to snuggle through their teen years. I'm so excited about this!
• Attention and being heard
• She won't speak up for the attention, but will give subtle clues. 
• Don't sweat the small stuff- the clutter, the endless questions, the apparent dawdling
• Focus on the calming energy she creates when she is honored and validated for who she is. 

My mom at work creating birthday crowns- just one of the details Cookie requested

• Phrases to avoid: Hurry up, you're too slow. You're too quiet. Stop worrying so much. Don't be shy. You're too picky. You're little awkward. When will you finally finish?

Taking her time with each meal (but getting to the last drop of birthday mochi ice cream)

Cookie's Birthday Interview

How old are you: 5
What makes you happy? Hmm... what makes me happy? (Nug interrupts to say, "ME!") Yes, Sissy.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Live with you! (points to me)
What is your favorite toy? I don't know, basically every stuffed animal of mine
What is the thing you are best at? Ballet twirls
What is your favorite sport? Gymnastics
What do you like to wear? Dresses
What is your favorite food? Pizza
What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play tag
What is your favorite thing to do inside? Play and help you cook.
What is something you want to learn? I think... making pizza.
What makes you nervous? Remember I was nervous at that squirrel climb thingy? (ropes course this summer)
What is your favorite treat? Cakes and cupcakes
Who is your best friend? S----a
What song do you love? Goodbye American Pie
If you could have a wish, what would it be? To be a princess
What would you buy if you had $1000? Dresses and clothes
What do you like to do best with your friends? Play hide and seek
What do you hope to do before your next birthday? Have a birthday cake and sing happy birthday

My awesome parents were here for New Years, and came back for the birthdays. Their help is amazing! Here we are skipping stones on a river hike on New Years Day.