How to Parent Like a Grandparent

Greetings from the Mommy Spa! I'm in Shangri-Laaaaaa (oops! I fell asleep for a second there) once again, chilling BY MYSELF while listening from another room to the sweet soundtrack of a family reunion. Nug has been "so excited" (her words) for this visit, refusing to even rest her head on me during the five hour flight for fear of falling asleep and missing Nana and Poppa. Then, to continue the No-Sleep-Til-Brooklyn Bonding theme, she woke the next morning at five am, ready to rouse my parents, all dolls, and most stuffed animals of the house for an October version of Christmas morning.

When my daughter is truly happy, she makes a series of chirpy ahhs, followed by a squeal and an exultant laugh. Too ecstatic for words, she reserves this demonstration of love for reunions with the VIPs in her life. But receiving this display took me 2.8 years of tears, sweat, and breastmilk (no blood to speak of, yet), while my parents get it in a week of play. What's their secret?! Clearly they know something I don't, as my dad hinted in this interview with these words of parenting advice, "I would recommend having grandchildren first!"

So I set out this week at the Spa in search of some answers. I listened, I watched, and I took photos of the intergenerational interactions. After careful observation, I came to one shocking conclusion. Despite a fifty-year gap, grandparent and toddler behavior is frighteningly identical. Here, I break it down:

1. Think excess. Grandparents and toddlers just need a lot more of everything. Yes, they need one more four-foot-tall stuffed animal. Yes, they need that flavor of Puffs too. Yes, they need another ride on the carousel. Yes, they need two sets of blocks, six puzzles, a pop-up tunnel big enough for the neighborhood, a pig that laughs, and three kinds of pasta. Yes, they need to get THAT. Yes yes yes.

One more four-foot-tall stuffed animal, please!

2. Don't pace yourself. It's now or never to these people. Five am is go-time, so guzzle that coffee and get on the floor to change doll outfits. Don't get too cozy, because in the next hour you'll play chase, hide and seek, build an animal barn with blocks, make food in the kitchen, and head out to the park. There's so much to do and it has to happen now! Q: If a grandparent has five gifts to give, and five days to give them, how many gifts will the child receive in the first hour? A: ALL of them! And don't worry, Mommy will be there to extract everyone from the rubble of an inevitable crash and burn.

Custom-built block castle for Baby Blue

3. Choose delight over discipline. Grandparents and toddlers do not have a schedule. They will stop and smell every rose- or turn over every rock, whatever the inclination. At this pace, there's really no need to get out of pajamas, or even put them on in the first place. It may look like they have packed a bag to leave the house, but they'll spend the next forty-five minutes rummaging through said bag to discover Nana's lip gloss and gum while Poppa laughs in encouragement. Just like Congress, they are operating on a no-end-in-sight continuing resolution (with the executive branch- me- taking a nap).

My dad admits there's no parenting in grand-parenting; that it's all play. Well, Nug is bingeing on this pedagogy like a contestant at a pie eating contest. Three days in, however, and the rapture usually starts to lessen its grip. That's where grandparents and toddlers begin to differ. Grandparents will be seen quietly retreating to their newspaper in the bathroom. They will selectively hear the fresh tantrum peeling from their off-schedule, spoiled, exhausted, yet completely saturated with love, toddler.

Note: My parents, in addition to being stellar grandparents, have a great sense of humor. I took some liberty at their expense with hyperbole in this blog post. My Dad, for example, gave those five gifts over the course of three hours, not one. ;-)