Grandma and Pop Pop on Parenting

About nine months ago I sat down to interview my parents on parenting, and posted the conversation to this blog. It was fun to record their voice, and, of course, I wanted to do the same with my in-laws. But getting their interview was a little more challenging. Even though they are just a four-hour drive away, we haven't seen them as much this year (one visit to us, two visits to them), and visits are always jam-packed with enthusiastic cousin reunions, delicious feasts, and lively conversation about the latter two items. I have also been daunted by the fact that they do not have a computer and by interviewing them, I would be explaining what a blog is and helping them make their first internet footprint... Yikes! However, I finally made it happen, and was delighted with our one-on-one time and with the information they shared with me.

W's parents, my in-laws, have been married for fifty-seven years. It is an amazingly long acquaintance, made longer considering they were childhood neighbors with adjoining backyards.  They are both the grandchildren of Italian immigrants, and have worked hard for their family from a young age. Parenting, it seems, was never a crises of identity or philosophy, but the prize of hard work. And, as you will read, W's dad contributed many hours of paid labor towards the family, but gives W's mom all the parenting credit for her hard work inside of the home.

Who and what was most helpful to you as a parent?

PopPop: Oh my mother, definitely my mother. She babysat constantly. Every Saturday night we went out, almost every Saturday night. And my wife went to work on Saturdays, and so did I, so she had the kids on Saturdays. And it was so good we would pick them up on Sunday morning! We had it good in that respect. My mother was a big help.

Grandma: Dot, my next door neighbor, was so patient with her (Downs Syndrome) son. I learned a lot from her. And Dr. Spock, the book. He told you all about what to expect. I read it when I was pregnant with W, from beginning to end, then of course they are different when they come out! 

"Don't take my glasses!" July 2011

What surprised you the most about parenting?

PopPop:  Not a lot, honestly. We had been married eight years by the time W was born. I had had a lot of life experiences already. 

Grandma: That it was going to be such a big job! 

Did you disagree on parenting styles?

PopPop: Never. Well she did 99% of the work. We disagreed on other stuff, but never parenting. My wife took charge and I didn't dispute it. I was always working overtime. And I mean overtime, I was working 70 to 80 hours a week. 

Grandma: He was a little more strict and I was a little more lenient, but it worked for us.

Which age was most challenging for you? Most fun?

PopPop: (most fun) When they really started developing personalities, about nine months to a year old, was the most fun. I loved cuddling with them. I used to make a "cozy nest," with blankets off the bed, and pillows. Everyday, almost. They loved to get in a cozy nest with me. I would tell them stories, made-up stories, we had a lot of fun.

Grandma: (challenging) I think teenage. But my kids were good. I really had fun the whole time, I did. Like I said, there were times when you had to go after them, but I really did enjoy raising them. 

What was a proud moment for you as a parent?

PopPop: Oh ya, oh I had a lot of proud moments, an awful lot of them. They were so good in school. I was so proud of that. We were at the school one day because W's brother was getting an award. So we were sitting there on the bench, waiting, and a young woman comes on the intercom and announces the day's activities. At that moment the guidance counselor comes out and says, "Oh! The famous family! Did you hear the voice of Bloomfield?" And by the way she was announcing in English and Spanish. "Did you hear her? Do you recognize the voice?" And it was our W, she's the Voice of Bloomfield! She never told us. She was the Voice of Bloomfield for two years and never told us. And W's brother was always getting some sort of academic or athletic award.

Grandma: Oh there were a lot of proud moments. I remember once W caught a ball, softball, and it won the game. She must have been eleven or twelve. And when (her brother) went into an advanced class in third grade.  

Laundry with Grandma- July 2011

When you felt in doubt or frustrated, what did you turn to? 

PopPop: I wouldn't turn to my mother, because I didn't want her to see me in doubt. I would turn to my wife, definitely my wife. I really never had doubts, though, I don't know why. Very positive, especially about parenting. I left everything to my wife. 

Grandma: I had a friend, Kathy, and we'd talk to each other like sisters would. My mother was around, but she worked a lot.

Of all the lessons you took from your parents, which do you feel was the most valuable in raising children?

PopPop: My mother especially taught me so many good things. About not complaining, for example. People would ask me, "how come your kids turned out so good?" I would tell my kids, "if you love your mom and dad, don't let anyone come knocking on the door that we don't want, don't bring anything bad to this house." Police, drugs, like that. I guess it sunk in. But I never said to them, "don't take drugs, don't smoke." 

Grandma: Well my mother, she believed in education. That made her proud. So I always encouraged my kids with education. My mother, I don't think she went to high school. There were seven kids in her family, so she quit school and went to work. 

Watching ducks with Grandma- Nov 2011

How does raising kids now differ from when you were raising kids?

PopPop: My kids were always playing, now there's the computer. My kids were always getting exercise outside, now it's different. We didn't even have a refrigerator when I was young, it was tough times. It was my job to put a card in the window, five cents or ten cents it said, so the ice man knew what size block of ice to bring, and he carried it three stories up. That was our refrigeration. It's a big difference now, the electronic age, modern medicine. 

Grandma: Well now I think there is so much more... what is it?... electronics, that they didn't have years ago. 

Pop Pop and his grandkids- March 2013

How did you handle work/life balance?

PopPop: I worked. I worked overtime. We all did. There were no options, we didn't have a lot of money. I had a steady paycheck for 47 years, and it wasn't a lot, but we never wanted for anything. 

Grandma: I worked part time once they started school, a couple of days a week. I organized around their school day.  

How have you changed since becoming a parent? A grandparent?

PopPop: Being a grandparent is easier than being a parent, it's much easier. I guess I was sort of a strict parent, but I'm not a strict grandparent. I leave that to the parents. 

Grandma: I got older!