Not to Brag, But... (round two)

I'm in YEAR FOUR(!) of this stay-at-home mom stuff, which means a) I've made a lot of mistakes, b) I haven't worn earrings in ages but my pajamas are worn through, and c) I've done nearly the same thing everyday for like 1,300 days. This is my loop: feed, play, discipline, love, feed, play, discipline, love. From one day to the next, the tears and squeals and spills of my two little people blend together. It is hard to step back from the machine and pinpoint the moments that matter.

What does really matter, anyway? What is being counted? Will Nug remember that I was impatient while she put her bike helmet on, or that I read one gazillion books to her later? Will it matter that Cookie missed her nap, or that in a quiet moment we had a giggle fest? Could someone please send me a parenting spreadsheet to figure this out? Mommy Wins could go in these boxes, Mommy Fails go in the others, and if I could ever figure out the summation tool, I'd be in business.

So today I pause to lift my childrearing boots out of the mire and fill some boxes in the Mommy Wins category. It's time for my job evaluation (you can read round one here), and my bosses are still too short to pat me on the back! Somewhere in Nug and Cookie's synapses, these are the things I think are being counted*... 

Ten reasons why I'm a really great mom:

1. My kids eat GREEN things (favorites: seaweed, baked kale, spinach & banana smoothies).
2. It's rare that we have anywhere to be, and that's exactly where we like to be going.
3. I'm smart enough to know my limits, which means no more cloth diapers! 
4. We stay in our pajamas as long as possible.
5. I've learned that the success of our day is directly correlated to how much I am willing to say yes.
6. Cookie is filthy by 6pm. 
7. I still cook a fresh dinner most nights. And it's now about 90% likely to taste good!
8. Brushed hair and matching clothes are soo low priority (but our teeth are clean). 
9. Nug's greatest desire is to be close with Cookie. This has been a practice in holding my breath and letting go.
10. I still lose my mind, but usually with very clear warning and always followed by an apology. 

Cookie, reflecting. Sept 2014

*Ask me the same question next year, and I'll surely give a different list. Ask another mom, and she'll give a different list too. We all judge ourselves by different standards. 

This amazing essay from Momastery blog speaks so well on this topic. I think of these words almost every day. Excerpted here:

How was my day? Today has been a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. There were moments when my heart was so full I thought I might explode, and there were other moments when my senses were under such intense assault that I was CERTAIN I’d explode. I was both lonely and absolutely desperate to be alone. I was saturated- just BOMBARDED with touch and then the second I put down this baby I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed with so much to do. Today was too much and not enough. It was loud and silent. It was brutal and beautiful. I was at my very best today and then, just a moment later, at my very worst. At 3:30 today I decided that we should adopt four more children, and then at 3:35 I decided that we should give up the kids we already have for adoption.