Questions In the Car

Taking off from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico*

The car is a good place to talk to your kids about sex. At least that's what I heard from a guest speaker at Nug's school. The logic is that you have a captive audience, and the seating arrangement avoids eye contact, which can make everyone feel more comfortable. When I heard this, however, Nuggie was only four years old, so I filed the information away as thought-provoking but not yet relevant.

(note to future self: everything is relevant when you're a parent)

And then I started to notice something. Nug would always ask the hardest questions when we were in the car! It was uncanny, as if her neurons were excited by the car traffic. The questions weren't about sex- not really- but it always something that caught my tongue as I tried to distill life's complexities into school-age sound bites. I'd turn the car out of our neighborhood and bam she'd ask, "What is God?"

Nug has always been a presence, not to be overlooked, from day one. She entered the world a sturdy, nearly nine-pound baby and her big hazel eyes never seemed to close. In baby music class, although she was just barely walking, she earned the title of Class Greeter with her friendly, engaging way. As a toddler she often exhausted me with her capacity to be social-- it was never "what are we doing today?" but "who are we going to see today?" When she entered Kindergarten, with it's four classes totaling 96 children, the explosion of noise, activity, and color sent her home energized rather than zapped. Now, at age seven, she is a child who saddles up to every adult conversation and bee-lines for the non-fiction section of the library.

Rollerskating/goofballing

I've grown accustomed to her probing questions. In the mornings after my work shifts, still groggy from the late night, I ramp up on coffee knowing she expects me to run through each patient and procedure. Her seven-year-old understanding of the world is just enough to know that it's not enough; a threshold of inquiry and knowledge that I find so endearing (don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of, "Duh, I already know thats").

So here are some of my favorite car questions, straight from Nug's inquisitive mouth (you are welcome for this heads-up; a curated sample that you might also hear from the back seat one day. And you are also welcome for the sex talk advice, by the way). 😜

1. What if you lose track of your age?
2. Did you have to pay to have me in the hospital? (follow up, What is insurance?)
3. Why did I stop drinking milk from you?
4. Why are people homeless?
5. Why did you pick that hospital to have me?
6. When is Grandma going to die? (Grandma is a healthy spitfire)
7. Does it hurt to die?
8. Why do all the workers speak Spanish?
9. How did I get in your tummy?
10. Can we have sushi tonight? Please?! Why not?!

"Herbie" the crab, collected by Nug on the beach in Mexico

When I was a young adult, I remember hearing from my quiet, reserved aunt that her daughter - my extroverted cousin Abby- was one of her favorite people because of how different they were. She seemed delighted to be so familiar with someone who would otherwise feel so foreign. Now as a parent, I am so grateful for this framework. I think of it often when I look at Nug and marvel at her capacities. Her firm presence, her desire for connection, and when she asks me questions like this gem from age five,

"Are clouds made of flour that was thrown into the sky?"

*Yes! We went to Mexico! It was wonderful... our first real no-effort-pool-and-beach-side vacation in ten years. I loved the sun and Spanish, my big frizzy hair, waddling in a bikini, and eating rice and beans among iguanas. My skin was so moisturized! But surprisingly, it also made me miss our camp trips. Despite the dirt and bugs, I love the freedom of camping... for me and the kids. We came home and booked a local camp trip for the end of the month.